I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
