Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
