Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
