Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
