Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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