dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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