She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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