What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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