so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
