i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
