I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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