Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
