My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
