I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
