it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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