i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
This house was built for laser tag.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
