hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize