I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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