every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize