Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
