so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize