I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
