my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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