WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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