my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
