I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
