i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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