Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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