Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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