It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
