and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
