Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
