May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
