Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
