i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
