Who wears a wallet chain?!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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