Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
