I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
