Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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