Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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