sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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