If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
