you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
