The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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