i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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