im drinking this country out of the recession.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
