I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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