a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
