Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
