When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
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