I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
