new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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