I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
