i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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