i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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