closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
