we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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