Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
