Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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