Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
