If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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