it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's never too late to be topless.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
