butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
