i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Pants are for mortals
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
