He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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