the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
