tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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